


just one day.

by taeyongists



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of past abuse, jaemin is an angel, mentions of cheating, mentions of renjun, mostly angst, y'all im sorry for the emotional rollercoaster
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-10-11 02:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17438558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongists/pseuds/taeyongists
Summary: jaemin just wants one day where jeno could actually act like a boyfriend for once.





	1. one.

jaemin didn't know what exactly he did wrong. maybe it was from the beginning, agreeing with lee jeno's mother on dating each other. it wasn't like jaemin wanted jeno to suffer, he truly loved the boy. jaemin is the type of person to always smile. even if you hurt him, he'll still smile in return, doesn't matter what you do to him. 

"can't you just give me a couple days, you know, to get settled somewhere else?" jaemin asked with a small smile, letting tears escape his eyes as if they were nothing. "no, i need you to leave right away. i know i don't go there often but its still my house and i want renjun and i to live there together." jeno said, face completely drained of emotion. gosh, jaemin felt like he was dead right at that moment. he tried his hardest not to let out any sobs throughout this whole thing but jeno was harsh, but jaemin just blamed himself for not being used to it already. 

"i'm really sorry jeno, i didn't mean to make you suffer. i'm sorry for wasting your time for almost four years but i'm glad you found someone that made you happy! i disappointed myself for not being good enough. i was meant to be the person you love the most, but i always see disgust in your eyes. in dramas, when the boy finds out how horrible he's been to the girl, he apologizes and begs for her not to leave. i know it wouldn't be like that for us because well, you never loved me in the first place." jaemin had to stop right then and there, he felt himself choke on a sob and he wasn't going to cry out loud in front of jeno, not after all this time. he looked up a jeno and regretted it, tears coming out of both eyes as he did so.

he saw the look in jeno's eyes, they were so soft. like their very first date, jaemin fell in love with the sight. jaemin could see the look in his eyes, he felt guilty, but he didn't see too much regret or love. "could you do me one last favor? i've actually been saving this favor cause i knew you were gonna break up with me, i just didn't know when. i could sense you getting tired of me. i'm, again, sorry for being selfish and tying you down but please, this last favor." jaemin begged, his eyes as big as heart. jeno cursed under his breath as he rubbed his temple, he felt fucking horrible which is a reason why he never really wanted to do a formal breakup. 

the older male nodded hesitantly and jaemin let out a sigh of relief before wiping his tears away. "will you be my actual boyfriend for one day? can you please treat me as an actual person instead of some worthless little thing? please, can you hug me, and say you love me, and treat me as an actual boyfriend. i'll leave you alone after that, just please. please make me feel worthy of your love for once, even if its fake." jaemin begged once again, hands shaking. jeno thought for a bit as he bit his bottom lip. he already knew his answer, he was just horrified with his past actions that he tried to put them far far away in his mind. 

he sighed and gave him another nod in response. jaemin smiled widely and stood up, "thank you! i'll text you what time to pick me up and i'll write a list of things i want to do tomorrow! thank you again jeno, have a nice day." he said before walking away. jeno was at first disgusted at jaemin for not even frowning this entire time but that soon turned into guilt when he saw him absolutely break down right outside the coffee place they were both just sitting in. the mall the coffee place was located at was huge, jaemin of course felt so small at that moment. that's when jeno knew that the boy was just making sure he wasn't frowning in front of him. it for once made him feel bad for the younger, thinking he's done this plenty of times for other people. 

jaemin ran to the nearest washroom and ran into a cubicle. he couldn't hold in his tears and he didn't want anyone to see. oh did he cry that day, it was possibly the most he's ever cried in his life before, and combined. he walked out of the cubicle when he heard someone walk in and it was renjun himself. if jaemin was any other boy, he would've lashed out on renjun, but jaemin isn't just any other boy. 

renjun walked up to him with worry in his eyes as he wiped the new tears on jaemin's red cheeks. "hey hey, what's wrong jaemin?" he asked and all jaemin could do was let out a small scoff. he sat down on the edge of the sink as he removed renjun's hands away from his face, gently still holding onto them as he began to talk. "jeno told me renjun, no need to act. he told me that he, my boyfriend, is dating you, my best friend. but it's okay, cause you make him so happy. when he comes back home at around 3am he's smiling like an idiot, that is until his eyes meet mine. you would've stopped talking to me without saying a word about this, you would've just let me deal with this alone. you're the cause of so much but wow, i don't blame you. because you probably got an i love you from him. oh what i'd do for one of those. i'm basically the opposite for him, lee jeno really does hate me." jaemin stopped there, actually letting out a sob this time because of his words.

renjun tried to apologize, but jaemin muted every sound out for a couple minutes. renjun was truly terrified at the sight. he's been friends with this boy for years and he's never seen him frown or cry, but seeing jaemin have no emotion was like hell. he had no light in his eyes, no smile to cover that up, he looked dead, looked broken. renjun and jeno did this to the poor guy, they really broke jaemin until he could feel nothing. jaemin told renjun he had to go. jaemin didn't want to be rude so he made sure to grab a paper towel and hand it to renjun before he left. 

he walked alone to his house just how he did when he walked to the mall. it made him feel horrible how this was so normal for him, how he didn't have jeno next to him. when he got home he almost tore the whole house down. he couldn't control his emotions, the poor boy has never cried this hard. 

after his breakdown, he began the list. he made sure no tears got on the paper and made sure to write everything in his best handwriting, he knows how much jeno hates messy letters. after that he texted jeno to meet him at their house as 6am sharp with two hot chocolates in hand. jaemin turned off his phone after it sent, laying in bed after that as well. he tried to calm himself down to sleep yet he couldn't. the young boy once again cried himself to sleep.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hand holding.

jaemin slept a total of two hours that night. he didn't know if it was because of the big headache all the crying caused or cause he was just so excited for all of this. he got himself ready at around 5am. the young boy brushed his teeth, did his hair, and put on a simple outfit. it was a big oversized white sweatshirt with black jeans and white vans. after that he made sure to put on some makeup to cover up past cuts and bruising on his face and neck as well. he made sure to add a red tint to his pinkish lips and to at least do something with his eyebrows. 

he knew he finished just in time when he heard the doorbell ring. jaemin ran downstairs with his phone in hand and opened the door with the other, all while smiling. jeno was spotted holding two hot chocolates from the coffee shop they were at yesterday. he walked in and jaemin made sure to not get in the way. the older male walked in, handing one of the hot chocolates to jaemin and then receiving a small "thank you" from the said male. "so, can i see the list?" jeno asked simply. jaemin nodded, pulling out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to jeno. 

jeno looked through it quietly. he would expect more honestly, some of these things are done with just friends, makes him wonder how horrible he really treated the younger boy. jeno nodded and kept the note in his pocket to remember such things. "we can get started now." he said dully. jaemin nodded, a new blush creeping its way onto his pale cheeks. he remembered the list easily and the first thing got him all shy. it wasn't anything too bad, walk around the park and hold hands, the list reads. "alright! remember, just pretend. act like you love me" jaemin stated. before jaemin could open the door, he was pulled closer to jeno. his eyes widened a bit, the familiar tug being something not so great. instead of receiving any kind of physical harm, jaemin was brought into a warm hug. it was an unfamiliar scent he smelled. the taller boy smelled like vanilla and jaemin couldn't get enough of it. after a while of jaemin being shocked, he wrapped his arms around jeno as well. he couldn't help but get teary eyes at the fact that he doesn't even recognize his boyfriend of four years' smell. he let go quickly after a while, feeling as if he's hugged him for too long and jeno would get mad. 

he started to open the door when jeno began to speak, "why are you wearing long sleeves, its really hot outside." he commented. jaemin looked back at jeno with a small smile, "i got marks and scars on my arms that i'm not proud of. yeah, you gave them to me, but its my fault since i deserved them. i ran out of foundation to cover them up so i went with the second best thing" jaemin told him, keeping his gentle smile on. jeno had his mouth open a bit, wondering how much pain he gave the younger. "c-can i see?" he tried to ask the younger. jaemin looked at him once again, but with the most sadness he ever held in his eyes, "out of all people in the world, you're the person i wish to not see me in my worst form." jaemin told him with a gentle voice, "you're not missing out on anything, its just some bruising and cuts, and scars." jaemin spoke, eyes getting watery at the thought of it. jeno now had a full on frown on his face, now knowing how horrible he was to the boy, but he didn't apologize. jaemin quickly shifted facial expression and put on his famous smile, "let's get going, we're gonna be behind schedule." 

they walked in the park, side to side. at the moment, jeno didn't feel any different at their current state. jaemin was walking at the other end of the sidewalk, a bit behind jeno as well. it was until he checked out the list again and saw they were supposed to hold hands. he's never notice how he made walking even miserable, making jaemin feel like he was just a pet he had to walk sometimes. he looked back and swiftly held jaemin's hand which took the younger by surprise. jeno would be lying if he didn't enjoy holding the smaller boys hand, they were insanely soft and it felt so nice. jeno decided to look at jaemin with a small smile to make sure the boy knew he was trying to act but what he didn't expect was seeing jaemin cry. "what's wrong?" jeno asked which just made jaemin cry harder. "n-nothing! please just forget about this, you're not meant to see these moments of me" jaemin told with a bit of fear in his eyes. jeno stood in front of him and brought his hand up to wipe jaemin's tears but he didn't get the reaction he thought he would. jaemin flinched hard, almost falling to the floor when jeno's hand came to his face. he tried to shield it as best as he could, "i'm s-sorry, please don't hurt me" jaemin told jeno. 

jeno removed jaemin's hands away from his face so he can look at them, "hey, hey, remember? i'm treating you the nicest today, treating you right. please, tell me what's wrong baby." jeno asked with guilty eyes. "after four years, i finally got to hold my boyfriend's hand. after four years, my boyfriend finally called me a nice nickname for a change which j-just adds more to my emotions." jaemin spoke with small sobs coming out, "i really like the feeling of your hands, please never let mine go." jaemin asked as he looked up at jeno, "o-oh! sorry if i freaked you, i meant never let mine go today"

jeno was dumbfounded at jaemin right now. he's never found someone more precious, more sensitive than him. he hugged jaemin, feeling guilty of his own actions. jeno now thought that he picked the worst person to do this to. he's never noticed how sensitive jaemin was until now, he's never seen jaemin cry until now. jaemin let go of him as he wiped his tears away from his cheeks, head hanging low, "turn away for a bit, you're not supposed to see me like this" he spoke quietly. jeno raised an eyebrow as he kept staring at the boy, "and why not?" he asked. jaemin didn't raise his head up but jeno saw two new fresh tears come out of his eyes, "for the longest time, i didn't cry in front of you because i only wanted you to see me smile. after a while it also grew into a fear because i didn't want to add another thing for you to make fun of" jaemin spoke softly. 

"maybe we should just go back hom-" jaemin spoke but stopped himself from talking anymore, "your home i meant, sorry" he finished. jaemin turned back to the direction jeno's house was, keeping his head down as he walked. jeno followed behind him, almost feeling completely guilty. he feels as if he just kicked a puppy and the freaking puppy apologize to him instead. he took out the list and thought of what he could do to make jaemin feel better, he's never seen jaemin down so he doesn't know what to do. he walked closer to jaemin, putting his arm around his shoulder.

jaemin's shoulders tightened up but soon relaxed as they walked quietly back to jeno's house. he knew what was the next thing on the list so he tried to be as happy as he can at the thought. jaemin's a really good cook, he's gotta say. one of his favorite things jaemin makes is pancakes and that happens to be the next this on his list, make and decorate pancakes together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this chapter is so yucky but i had it in my drafts for like EVER so i decided to post it. i was gonna rewrite this chapter but didn't feel like it so hopefully chapter three will be better.
> 
> sorry for the long wait uwu 🥺🤟


	3. three.

jaemin was surprised at the view of jeno smiling at him when they got to the house. it brought a smile to his face even though his cheeks are still stained with tears and eyes as red as blood. if jaemin was being honest, anything could bring a smile to his face in the matter of seconds, especially if you're lee jeno.

"you can sit down on the couch and watch tv if you want, while i make them." he told jeno. the other nodded doing so right after finding the remote. jaemin walked to the kitchen quickly, getting everything out to make the pancakes. it was around ten minutes later when jeno realized they were supposed to do this together. he walked quietly to the kitchen, seeing jaemin happily make pancakes for the both of them. "jeno, would you like one or two?" he yelled out, still believing the other was in the living room watching television. jeno smiled as he slowly walked up to jaemin, back hugging him. "two is fine" he whispered out, placing his chin on the younger boys shoulder. jaemin was taken by surprise but nothing too serious like last time, only flinching lightly. 

"do you wanna help me decorate them?" he asked, not making eye contact with the elder. jeno's eyes lit up as he nodded, "yes! i'll bring everything out to the table." he said with his famous eye smile that jaemin wished so bad to see more of. jeno brought all kinds of things to the table, strawberries, syrup, whipped cream, blueberries, bananas, etc. he's like a child, way too excited to decorate pancakes. when jaemin brought their plates, a pancake for himself and two for jeno, the older boy had an idea of decorating each others pancakes, so they did.

jaemin would sneak glances at what jeno was doing at his pancake and couldn't help but smile, it was a big mess but jeno seemed so focused. for jaemin, he kept it simple and copied the eye smile of jeno onto the pancake, adding a heart instead of his smile as well. he noticed the other putting blueberries on his pancake and stopped his as soon as he noticed, "o-oh! um, jeno, sorry but i'm allergic to blueberries" he said. jeno's eyes widened as he took them off the pancake, "what? why'd you even have them then?" he asked. "because you like them, a lot" was jaemin's response, a pout on his lips. 

after they were finished, they traded, both happy with the pancakes they received. jeno was smiling as he deeply focused on jaemin's reaction. jaemin couldn't help but to giggle at the big mess, he knew jeno was watching for approval which made him smile even more. "does that mean you like it?" jeno asked, looking at jaemin with a small smile. "i like it so much that i feel bad for not adding more to yours" he said with a small chuckle. jeno looked down at his pancakes and mimicked the eye smile on it. he adored the way jaemin decorated it, simple yet cute.

they ate in silence, jaemin barely eating his food. "hey come on, eat your food before it gets all dry and cold" he said with a smile. jaemin's eyes gave off the look as if he was worried but he smiled nonetheless and ate. 

jaemin, for months now, has been trying his hardest to lose weight. he'd eat small portions of food and eat them very slowly so he'd get full easier. he didn't want to disappoint the other any more than he already has so he ate at jeno's pace which was much faster than his. his body wasn't used to this much food so quickly in one sitting, he knew this was gonna happen. he didn't get to excuse himself before he ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet to throw up. jeno ran towards the bathroom once he heard the other throw up, eyes a bit wide. 

he crouched down next to him and gently patted his back. after jaemin was done, he helped jaemin up and cleaned him up. the two went to the living room and sat down, jaemin not looking up from his lap. all jeno could do was stare at him with a slightly worried expression, "so, you wanna tell me why out of nowhere you threw up? are you sick jaemin?" he asked as he tried to make eye contact with jaemin. 

the youngest of the two shook his head, "it's nothing really, it's just my body being dumb" he told the other boy. "i know there's more to that jaemin, i'm not stupid!" he said a bit louder than he wanted to. he immediately regretted it as he felt jaemin scoot further away from him. jaemin looked up at him with watery eyes but with a small smile like always, "my body, it's just not used to eating so much so quickly. i spent so long trying to lose weight so i can finally meet up to your standards, so long that my body is just not used to eating as much as i used to." 

jeno gave him a confused look, "my standards?" he asked. "probably around eight months ago, you commented on my weight. i never found much of a problem with it but you told me if i was skinnier that maybe you'd find me more attractive. you actually said," he paused, letting out a small chuckle, "if i was about renjun's weight. i should've caught up a while ago, i was just too into other things." he told the boy. jeno felt as if he could cry right there. he's hurt the boy in so many ways, he can't even imagine how many bruises jaemin was hiding under that shirt. "jaemin, i" he couldn't explain in words how sorry he was, voice small. "it's fine jeno, i got used to things like this. this isn't the worst thing that's happened to me but it didn't help with the actual worst thing. now that i got skinnier, i get hurt much easier, my body is so so weak right now. but it's okay!" he said, smiling as best as he could. "my body accepts it, like it already knows its supposed to be." 

there was a long pause between them. jeno wanted nothing more than to cry at the moment, how can one be so okay with being ruined? "come on, finish your food, it'll get cold. i'll go wash my plate up and such" jaemin said, hesitantly patting jeno's shoulder. he walked to the kitchen and did as he told the other. jeno felt sick to his stomach, unable to touch the food at the moment. 

when they were done, jeno looked at the list again. cuddling. he does that with everyone he knows, why is this such a big deal for jaemin? "an hour right, the cuddling part?" he asked jaemin. the younger looked surprised, probably forgetting he put that on the list. he blushed lightly, "we don't have to, i mean we can do something else ! something easier, i can drop you off at the movies, you can invite friends! yeah, and i'll start packing and su-" before he could finish his sentence, jeno was dragging him to their shared room which in the end just became jaemin's room. 

jeno can't remember the last time he walked in here. the nice smell lingered everywhere, pretty white sheets decorated on his bed. he had a desk with a picture frame in it, its him and jeno assumed his mother? wow, he doesn't even know that. he laid down, smiling at how comfortable the bed was. he looked up at jaemin standing awkwardly, playing with his own fingers. "what's wrong? i thought you wanted to cuddle" he asked the male. "i do! i really do, but i just, i just don't know how it works, what i'm really supposed to do i guess? i've never done this" he barely spoke out, feeling a bit embarrassed. 

"that's not true, we cuddled just a couple months ag-" jeno had to stop himself when he realized that it wasn't jaemin, but renjun that the memory was about. jaemin held hurt in his eyes but didn't say, only visibly gulping, pipils shaking from trying to stay calm. jeno opened his arms, "c'mere" was all he said. jaemin laid down next to jeno, facing him. jeno wrapped his arms around the boy, enjoying the strawberry scent that came off. jaemin felt his cheeks go red, he's never been so close to jeno, it feels too new. "are you sure this is ok? i feel like i'm invading your privacy, i didn't know couples would be this close while cuddling" jaemin spoke out. "invading priv- what? jaemin, couples do this all the time, haven't you ever been in another relationsh-" 

"no, only this one. i don't really wanna talk about it, i'm unexperienced and already a legal adult, i get it." jaemin interrupted. jeno's eyes widened, he couldn't believe he was jaemin's only boyfriend. he can't believe that he basically makes jaemin think this is how all relationships work. he's ruined the word love for him, jeno feels like jaemin will never understand what love really means now, not after everything he's done. he must have been staring too long at jaemin that it made him feel shy. he turned around with pink cheeks, "you know what, this is fine too! we've never shared a bed after two years and its been months since i've laid here, it feels so nice" jaemin said, closing his eyes with a small smile on his lips.

"its your bed, how have you not been sleeping on it for months?" jeno asked. "i mean, at first it was because i would stay up waiting for you to come home, then it became a thing where i promised myself to not sleep in that bed until i sleep next to you." jaemin stated. jeno remembers all those nights. remembers walking in loudly at the house, seeing jaemin sleeping on the couch and not doing anything about it. he sees the younger boy shiver in his sleep, but never brought him a blanket, gosh how could he used to get. "we can do that, but its not on the list. it says cuddling, let me at least put my arms around you" jeno insisted. 

jeno did as he told the younger boy, wrapping his arms around jaemin. even though he knows jaemin is always cold, he gave off the best warmth. it felt loving, felt new and refreshing. its like his body was aching for this moment, completely melting the second his arms were around jaemin. 

jaemin wanted to cry yet again. strawberries and vanilla. that would've been their smell if they slept on the same bed, if they shared clothes, if they hugged, if they cuddled, if he wore jeno's white shirt to bed like he's always wanted to. he sniffled, trying his best not to cry too hard. jeno immediately removed his arms,"are you okay, did i squeeze too hard?" he asked. jaemin turned around and couldnt stop the tears from falling, "no just that, s-strawberries and vanilla" he sobbed out lightly. jeno didn't understand until jaemin pointed a himself, "strawberries" then at jeno, "vanilla". jeno finally understand and also understood why it was such a big deal.

jaemin stood up from the bed and rubbed his eyes, "lets just get on with the other things, its getting late." he spoke up. he excused himself to use the bathroom and clean his face up. jeno sat on the edge of his bed. he felt bad that they've done plenty of things already but never got to complete them. he remembered the next one, and he's always wanted to try this but renjun was never interested in it, matching outfits.


End file.
